Chuck Norris

Share some Chuck Norris Jokes XD
If its a picture please post it in a spoiler

1.When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

2.There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

3. If Chuck Norris fought Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win period.

4. THere is no Global warming, Chuck Norris just turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris one morning got up and stared at himself in the mirror.

all of a sudden he got and kicked it.

WHY? because he'd be damned if their would be another Chuch Norris

1-Chuck Norris actually died 2 years ago...Death is just too afraid to tell him.

2-There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

1-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

2-If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

3-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

1-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

2-Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

3-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

1-Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

2-Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

3-Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

-When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

-On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

-Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

# In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

#Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

#Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

--Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

--It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

--When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

##James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.


##Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


##Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

# Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.